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Category: Our Stories
Homelessness and Mental Illness
Across the country, more and more people are struggling to maintain consistent housing and the mental health support they desperately need. Rates of homelessness and mental illness have risen over the past few years, creating challenges that ripple through every community. Even if you or someone you know hasn’t been directly affected, these issues touch us all.
Let’s start with some statistics:
- A point-in-time count in January 2023 recorded 653,104 people experiencing homelessness in the US. This is a 12.1% increase from 2022.
- Although estimates vary, a meta-analysis found that 76.2% of the unhoused population in high-income countries had a mental disorder, much higher than the average for the general population.
- The main diagnoses affecting the unhoused population include substance use disorders, schizophrenia, and depression
There is a complicated relationship between homelessness and mental illness.
Experiencing homelessness is a traumatic event and can bring on mental health challenges like depression or substance use disorder. Additionally, those experiencing mental illness may have challenges maintaining a stable income and housing, making them more likely to become unhoused at some point. This cyclical relationship makes it extremely difficult to break the cycle of homelessness, creating almost a catch-22: lack of housing perpetuates mental illness and mental illness leads to increased risk of losing housing.
Certain demographics are more at risk for homelessness and mental illness, for example, LGBTQ+ youth make up 40% of the unhoused population but only 10% of the total population.
There are other factors that contribute to both homelessness and mental health issues, such as poverty. The constant stress of making ends meet can lead to diagnoses like depression or increase the likelihood of developing a substance use disorder. Poverty also impacts the ability to access healthcare and mental health services due to barriers related to insurance, transportation, money, and time.
Other factors influencing homelessness and mental illness include childhood trauma, traumatic brain injuries or cognitive impairment, victimization, or substance abuse.
“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”. This saying applies to many areas, especially the homelessness crisis. Once an individual loses stable housing, it is difficult to re-establish that stability. Some estimates show that an average of 13% of individuals who exit homelessness will return within the next year. What does it say about our services that such a high rate of those who exit homelessness will be back a mere 12 months later?
For those without housing, accessing services like housing and healthcare become more challenging, not only due to logistics like lacking insurance or transportation, but also due to social stigma surrounding homelessness. Mental disorders may be brought on or exacerbated by the constant state of fear, anxiety, and lack of sleep associated with homelessness. Furthermore, unhoused individuals with mental illness are more likely to be victims of crime or assault.
Experts agree that addressing the root causes during prevention and recovery are important for reducing homelessness. This can include providing treatment for past trauma, substance use disorder, medication, and stable housing.
More robust government support, social networks, and access to care are needed to help keep people in stable situations. The US can look to Finland as a model, which has committed to the Housing First model, reducing homelessness by 75% over the past 30 years. They also have mandates that 25% of housing in cities must be affordable, helping to prevent homelessness in the first place. Of course, this is easier said than done. Attitudes in the US towards social support and lack of additional safety nets could make it difficult to implement this model here.
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by how broken the system is, but even small actions can help contribute to the solution and increase hope.
What can you do?
Take care of yourself by engaging in activities that prevent or address mental or physical health concerns.
Increase or strengthen your social bonds to ensure you and your loved ones have a support network.
Learn more about resources in your area in case you or someone you know needs help with rent or job stability.
Research and support evidence backed solutions to the housing crisis and homelessness epidemic, for example, initiatives like Housing First.
Volunteer or donate to a local organization that helps address homelessness in your community.
Use a lens of compassion, recognizing that many people are dealt situations out of their control and are not at fault for becoming homeless.
Strategies to Alleviate Burn Out
According to WHO (World Health Organization), burnout is defined as “a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. It is characterized by three dimensions:
- feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion;
- increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one’s job; and
- reduced professional efficacy.”
No matter if the burnout episode lasts a day or an entire month, it can be safe to say that burnout feels terrible. From my personal experience, it tends to first start as mental exhaustion (too tired to think), then branches out into either physical (too tired to move) or emotional (too tired to feel). If it gets really bad, it eventually devolves into a burnout of all three. Whether or not you relate to that kind of sensation or if burning out feels different for you, nobody wants to experience that kind of weariness from the bone and soul longer than they have to. But it takes time to completely recover from burnout. So what can you do to aid in the healing process?
- Take a nap. When your phone/ipad/laptop runs low on battery, you don’t continue to use it (not as much anyway)! You charge it! That’s one thing you can do when you’re low on battery (burning out). Get some rest and peace in your mind. Life can’t all be work or total concentration. Your body isn’t designed for that. It has to have a balance, between free time and work, between concentration and wandering attention.
- Partake in a hobby. Even if you’ve lost the interest to do it or if the first few minutes don’t seem enjoyable, still do it. Oftentimes after a little while, the joy in the activity comes back. There are two caveats to this rule though. First, the hobby can’t be looking through social media. I repeat, SCROLLING ON THE WEB DOES NOT COUNT AS A HOBBY! You can have hobbies that involve electronics (I, for one, write my stories on a google document), but they can’t be on places like social media. Even if you feel like browsing the internet is the only thing you have the energy for, resist the temptation! While it may seem nice at the moment, in the end, you will have nothing to show for it, no skills gained by scrolling. In contrast, partaking in an actual hobby hones your expertise in it, and produces a greater feeling of satisfaction. The second caveat is that if your hobby has something to do with operating heavy machinery, using sharp objects, or something that could physically hurt you or others if you’re not careful, take a nap first. Getting injured in your hobby when it could have been prevented sucks.
- Create a diagram of how you are feeling. Although I can only speak from personal experience, drawing a diagram of how I am feeling typically helps me feel less emotionally drained. I’m not sure why, maybe having my emotions written down helps alleviate the stress of being unsure how I’m feeling or maybe it’s like self therapy? I am not an expert on mindfulness. The emotional diagrams I draw aren’t exactly like journal entries, but you can do either to express your feelings. Here’s an example:
- Spend time outside in nature (optimally 2 hours, but you can do 15 minutes if you can’t spare the time). According to https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/sites/default/files/2022-06/MHAW21-Nature-research-report.pdf (Shortened version here: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/research/nature-how-connecting-nature-benefits-our-mental-health#:~:text=Nature%20can%20generate%20many%20positive,particularly%20lower%20depression%20and%20anxiety.for those who don’t want to read a 55 page pdf.), https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/nurtured-nature, https://e360.yale.edu/features/ecopsychology-how-immersion-in-nature-benefits-your-health, https://health.ucdavis.edu/blog/cultivating-health/3-ways-getting-outside-into-nature-helps-improve-your-health/2023/05, and https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/mental-health/the-mental-health-benefits-of-nature-spending-time-outdoors-to-refresh-your-mind/, spending time outside in nature (leafy green environments or even coastal beach enviroments) decreases stress, improves concentration, fosters cooperation, relaxes you, and correlates to greater satisfaction with life overall.
- Exercise. Even if you don’t feel like it and/or don’t like exercising, exercise is good for you, and does provide mental benefits as well as physical. When you exercise for an extended period of time, your body releases endorphins. These chemicals block out pain and stress signals, thus improving a person’s sense of wellbeing.
- Make a list of all the things you have to do. If you are more focused on getting your work done, it may help you to make a table of all the tasks you have to complete. Even if you already know what you have to do, having a visual diagram of it can give a sense of certainty and lessen the feeling of being overwhelmed. Here’s an example of a table of tasks I use:
History
Do notes Math
6.5 Sine, Cosine, Tangent Page 221, 1-19 (odd), Page 226 18-30 (even) 6.7 Pythagorean Theorem Pages 70, 1-10, 12-14 English
Do essay Snowballing Problems
The internet is a weird place. You can find pictures of cats, deep dives about a niche franchise older than you are, or in some cases, people talking about their existential crisis/incidents they just emerged from. Things ranging from “I’m 35 years old and after so much burnout and deep depression, I’ve finally found my drawing style” to “I’ve finally realized what I’ve been missing in life. It wasn’t another car, but a purpose in life”. And when I look at these posts, sorry if I come off as rude, but I can’t relate. Not to the posts about finally finding a job/house and thus becoming less stressed, but the previous examples I listed, the ones about higher callings, or finally overcoming past problems, or moving on past material wealth. Whenever I see stories like those, I think to myself “It took you that long to find your drawing style?” or “I thought purpose being more important than cars was kind of given”. Going back to my previous statement of saying that I can’t relate to that, it’s a bit more complex than that. In some ways, I can understand, but in others, I can’t.
I can understand the feeling of an existential crisis. I’ve had them before, and I think that every human will have them at least once. Keep in mind that an existential crisis is defined by a period of questioning one’s life decisions/purpose/identity. Nothing in the definition about it having to be long or extremely detrimental. I have had times where I thought I was going down the wrong path, or where I’ve had meltdowns of disproportionate negativity, or where I’ve felt like I wasn’t good at anything/didn’t have a purpose, but these always lasted for a short time; a few days at most. Sure, they were intense, but I was always able to carry on and learn my lesson from it. For the longest time, until one month ago actually, I thought that I was an especially dysfunctional case, that because of my autism I was an all around emotionally unstable wreck of a child. But now, I learn that I am actually a more tame case of meltdowns, that I wasn’t actually that bad. This makes me feel ¾ relieved, ¼ worried. On one hand, I am so relieved that I wasn’t such a horrible person and pain to deal with. On the other hand, if what I consider terrible is actually fine, how bad can people get? The answer is, ten years or more, running on empty, hopelessly and aimlessly wandering around bad. Oftentimes however, these situations seem to stem from rather simple problems or ones that could have been countered early on. Taking time to reflect throughout your day instead of trying to hurry on to the next thing. Remembering to take a mental health day off instead of trying to power through. Dealing with subconscious feelings of anxiety. All of these are simple things, but when small problems like these are ignored, they can grow exponentially. Not thinking about the reasoning behind one’s actions can lead to disillusionment over one’s purpose. Not taking time off to relax the mind can lead to month long burnout and depression. Small worries can soon blow up to a full panic attack. Just like it isn’t a good idea to pay your housing bills late when you can pay them early, it isn’t a good idea to put off your problems. Problems are like bags of trash. In the beginning, they might not smell that bad or be tolerable, but they must be disposed of/solved. Don’t deal with them and they start to smell. Flies start flying around and other disgusting things. Keep on ignoring them and soon it becomes a health hazard so deadly anybody within range not wearing a hazmat suit passes out from the noxious rotting garbage. What’s the solution? Take out the trash before it becomes a health concern! Confront your anxieties, your worries, and your concerns before they become too heavy for you to carry.
AI for Good Workshop
RSVP
Are you passionate about responsible technology and making a social impact? We’ve got the perfect event for you! Join us for the AI for Good workshop, hosted by Bright Data and curaJOY. This immersive, free workshop is designed to explore the powerful intersection of AI, data science, and tech for good. Mark your calendars for October 9th from 11:30 am to 1 pm PST.
Topics that will be covered:Ethical considerations of collecting public web data: Let’s have an honest conversation about the ethics of data collection. We’ll explore responsible technology practices and ensure our efforts in AI and data science align with ethical standards.
The inseparable nature of AI and data: Discover why AI and data are a dynamic duo in today’s tech landscape. Learn about real-world applications and the synergy between these two powerhouse technologies.
Importance of data diversity for training AI models: Understand why diverse data sets are essential for creating fair and unbiased AI. We’ll discuss how diversity in data contributes to more equitable tech solutions.
Understanding public web data: Dive into the world of public web data. We’ll cover how it can be ethically sourced, and its incredible potential for driving innovation.
The threat to Public Web Data and what that means for AI: Learn about the challenges and threats facing public web data. Understand the implications for AI development and how we can safeguard this vital resource.
Peer pressured into academic pressure
At the beginning of the second semester of my sophomore year of highschool, I made the decision to take AP Chemistry instead of a free period. And just like that, I was on track to have the hardest, most tiring semester I’ve ever had.
It’s not as though it wasn’t obvious to me at the time that AP Chemistry would make my schedule incredibly difficult, as I was already taking AP World History and English 10H, which is known to be one of the worst combos of classes that I could take, especially since I’m not that good at writing in the first place (a bit ironic given that I’m writing a blog post right now). Combine this with AP Calculus BC, and my schedule was already hard enough as it was. So why did I feel the need to take AP Chemistry? The answer is simple: academic pressure.
All around me, I could see my friends and other classmates getting ready to take AP Chemistry, after having taken Honors Chemistry the previous semester (at my school, the school year is split into two semesters and 4 quarters total, with a different set of classes for each semester, similar to a college schedule). I myself had also taken honors chemistry, which I did pretty well in. As such, not taking AP Chemistry, when so many of my other friends had done worse in Honors Chemistry but were still planning on taking AP Chemistry, felt as though I was wasting some potential of mine, and that taking AP Chemistry, while probably painful, would be worth it in the long run.
This case of academic pressure drove me to transfer into AP Chemistry, which I did end up doing pretty well in. However, the cost of such a decision was that I ended up dropping out of track and field to focus on academics, and even with that I was sleeping at 1-2am daily halfway through the semester.
This incredibly heavy and unhealthy workload meant that I was often working for several hours every day after school, and often many more hours during the weekends as well. As such, my life began to revolve around school, to the point that trying to relax was itself stressful, as I subconsciously felt as though I should be doing work or sleeping instead.
The result of this consistent work, work and more work meant that I ended up burning out during the final weeks of school, causing me to slack off during AP tests, which resulted with me getting a 4 on AP Computer Science Principles, which the class most related to the field of work I plan to enter. This burn out also meant that even after a month into the summer, I was unable to motivate myself into spending time on any work at all, so I was unable to study much for my SATs.
Academic pressure can occur in many different ways. You can feel pressured if your grades aren’t that great, and you can also feel pressured if your grades are high. At the end of it all, this academic pressure will rarely have a positive impact on your performance, and will most likely result in making poor choices, building even more stress and pressure to do well. As such, often times it is best to ignore what outside influences may try to impress upon you, and simply do the best that you can, in what you want to do. After all, there is only so much most people can do when it comes to each specific school subject. Of course, it is still important to do your best when it comes to something you aren’t good at, but even with a few low grades you can still end up having a good life, as long as you can show that you did your best.
Youth Voice in Youth-Centered Technology
In a world fueled by rapid technological advancements, it’s more important than ever for kids to have a say in youth-focused technology. Why? Because our voices in this space are severely limited.
Just as products are designed with a specific audience in mind—like cancer treatments for those battling cancer or glasses tailored to people with vision problems (for example, switching out lenses to find one best fit for you)—youth-targeted technology should involve input from its intended users. You don’t see opticians testing their frames on people with 20/20 vision… it just doesn’t make sense. The same logic applies to tech designed for kids and teens. So, why aren’t we, the youth, more involved in shaping these products?
Considering how much time we spend on our devices, especially from a parent’s perspective, it’s baffling that there aren’t more opportunities for us to give feedback on the products made for us (for example, mental health apps.) We love our phones, and technology is woven into our daily lives. As a student and a kid, I rely on tech every day—assignments, QR codes for classrooms, group projects, and even communication for extracurricular activities all happen online. It’s almost impossible to get through school without it. The idea of working on a group project in just forty minutes of class time without staying in touch online? It’s outdated, and we don’t use carrier pigeons anymore.
From this, it’s clear that we, the youth, are one of the most technology-dependent populations. We’re the people with myopia, and technology is our glasses (it’s sad, but it’s true.) . But here’s the problem: we aren’t given any say in the design or development of these “glasses”—the tech products we use every day. Why is that?
Factors leading to our silence
Legal and Bureaucratic Barriers
It’s hard to speak. Gathering input from anyone under 18 often involves layers of legal hurdles. Companies need consent from both parents and minors, signed publicity forms, and laws in some countries that restrict minors’ participation in research or product testing due to data protection concerns. to mention dealing with laws that restrict minors’ participation in research or product testing due to data protection concerns. Because of this tedious process, most kids and their parents opt out of research/UserTesting opportunities, which are few.
Ethical Concerns in AI
There’s a worry that kids might not fully understand the implications of their participation in research. What if the child doesn’t understand what they’re doing? They are not capable of simple comprehension at such an age… what if they regret taking my online survey… These are valid concerns, but ignoring youth feedback means going in blind when creating products meant for them, and feedback is crucial for success!
Bias against youth input
Let’s face it— kids can be dumb. There’s a common perception that because we’re not eighteen, our opinions don’t matter. We don’t know any better. We can lack experience and rationality, so why even bother asking for our opinion on subjects that actually impact us? Our voices are often dismissed in favor of those older and “wiser.” But this is short-sighted, because developers aren’t making resources for those types of people. They’re making it for us. When creating something for a specific group, that group’s insights should be central to the process.
Because of these challenges, researchers often bypass collecting youth data altogether. But that doesn’t mean our perspectives don’t matter. Kids can contribute so much to society if we are just given the chance, and I’ll talk just about that in my next blog post. Stay tuned!
The Role of Community in Suicide Prevention
It’s often said that you might not fully understand a feeling until it hits close to home. That was true for me when my brother confided in me that he had attempted suicide a couple of times in the past week. I was both shocked and scared, unsure how to process the gravity of what he was saying and how to respond. I felt overwhelmed by the thought of losing him, but I knew I had to focus on his pain, his experiences, and what was going on in his life.
As he talked about feeling overwhelmed by everything happening around him, I was reminded of my own struggles. There had been times when I too had either attempted or seriously considered ending my life. The common thread between my brother and me? Isolation. We were both silently fighting our inner battles, and no one around us had any idea what was going on in our minds. How could they? We grew up in a society that often labels depression as a weakness. Instead of being encouraged to seek help, we were more likely to hear phrases like, “You need to get yourself together.”
It’s no surprise that Africa has the highest suicide rate in the world according to the World Health Organization, with more than half of those deaths triggered by depression. In societies where mental health issues are stigmatized, people tend to withdraw into themselves, unable to seek the help they desperately need. This isolation is dangerous, and it’s something we must work to address as a community.
The Power of Connection
Community plays a crucial role in suicide prevention. Isolation can intensify feelings of despair, but being part of a supportive, understanding community can be a lifeline. When people feel connected to others—when they feel seen, heard, and valued—it becomes easier to share their struggles and seek help. Communities have the power to break down the barriers of stigma, to replace silence with conversations, and to provide the emotional support necessary to prevent suicide.
In my own experience, I’ve come to realize how much stronger we are together than we are alone. When my brother and I started talking openly about our struggles, it felt like a weight had been lifted. We didn’t have all the answers, but we had each other. That sense of connection, that ability to be vulnerable with someone else, was life-changing. It made us realize that we weren’t alone in our battles.
Building Communities with curaJOY
Organizations like curaJOY are essential in the fight against suicide. We understand that building emotionally supportive communities is one of the most effective ways to combat social isolation and promote mental wellness. By creating safe spaces where people can connect, share, and support one another, curaJOY is fostering environments that prioritize emotional health and well-being.
At the heart of curaJOY’s mission is the belief that emotional intelligence and social skills are key to mental wellness. We design programs that help individuals build resilience, navigate their emotions, and form meaningful connections with others. These communities not only support emotional growth but also provide a safety net for those who may be struggling. When people have a place where they feel accepted, and where they can speak freely without judgment, they are less likely to suffer in silence.
My favorite time of the week is our Monday full-team meetings. These virtual meetings provide a safe space where we can openly discuss both personal and professional challenges. It’s an opportunity not only to share our struggles but also to hear valuable advice and experiences from other team members. The sense of support and understanding in these meetings helps to foster a deep sense of community and reminds us that we’re never alone in facing life’s difficulties.
curaJOY’s focus on developing emotional wellness from a young age helps build a culture of openness and support through our Youth Ambassadors Program. By teaching children how to express their emotions, cope with stress, and seek help when needed, they are empowering future generations to break the cycle of isolation that often leads to suicide.
Conclusion
Suicide prevention is not a solo journey—it requires the collective efforts of families, friends, and communities. We must work together to create an environment where no one feels alone in their struggles. It’s about replacing judgment with understanding, isolation with connection, and silence with open, compassionate conversations.
By building strong, supportive communities, we can make a difference. We can be there for each other in the moments that matter most. And we can work to ensure that no one has to face the darkness of depression alone.
Friends and “Friends”
A few days ago, I had a dream. I dreamed I was in a school building of some sort, talking to my old friend, Cole. He said “Bianca, how come you didn’t respond to my discord messages?” I replied bitterly, “It’s because you never responded back to mine, because you never talked to me unless I initiated a conversation, and because you left my campaign to go play with another Dungeon Master!” (The “Dungeon Master” is essentially the narrator, NPC creator, plot-creator, and general controller of a D&D setting. He or she creates the world, its people, the story, and controls everything except for the players.) To which Cole answered “I didn’t know you felt like that, and I didn’t mean to ignore you!” Then I woke up, feeling very sad and missing my old friends all over again. In 2022, I started highschool. I wasn’t a particularly nervous student, I did well in my classes, was bold, straightforward, and humorous. Early on, I made a friend, Cole. He was funny and laid-back, and even if we always didn’t have similar interests, we could talk about a lot of things, home-life, school, memes, and funny moments. That was new, because before then, I thought that friends had to have very similar interests in order to be friends.
As the school year went on, I found more companions. John, Eric, Vincent, and Morgan. We played D&D during lunch, and there were many funny moments in the campaign set up (including, but not limited to: chicken throwing, mooshrooms from Minecraft, and a bottomless bag). I even got invited to two of my friends’ birthday parties! It was awesome, having friends again, and having more than two for the first time in my life at that! True, I wasn’t always the best person in the world; I have a bad temper and snapped at Cole a few times, but I think we made up alright, if how he still hung out with me was any indication.
But the next year, I moved schools. It was a difficult decision, and I tried to postpone it as much as possible, but the fact simply was I wasn’t getting the help I needed. When I broke the news to my playmates, I made all of them promise that we would keep in touch and that we would continue the D&D campaign. For the first few days, I was too busy acclimating to my new school to do any sort of play date or hangout. But when I finally managed to ground myself and had enough time spare, I noticed that the whole friendship thing was…. Different, somehow.
Sure, I managed to squeeze a few sessions outside of school, but I didn’t really feel like all of us “kept in touch”. Whenever I asked how their lives were going, or tried to start up a conversation, my friends would often give short replies, or not respond to me at all. Sure, not all of them were like that, Eric always was quick to respond and we did talk some bit, but even though he was always free for D&D, you can’t play D&D with only one player (I would recommend three, or at least four players. No more than six though). Over time, the gap between responses widened, and the number of texts I sent left on read piled up. When I asked why the lag, I was told by Cole “Busy” or by Vincent and John, nothing at all.
During the periods of waiting for my friend’s increasingly scarce texts, I began to notice some funky little details: I was the only one on the chat initiating conversations. Nobody else, unless prompted by me, would say anything. But my friends were online all the time, and seemed to be close, so why were they not talking to me, or each other? I didn’t know, and wouldn’t know for quite a while.
A few months later, in the middle of finals week, I logged onto my computer and checked the public D&D chat for some new notifications. I have two chat rooms, a private one for the friends mentioned before, and a public one for the D&D club I founded at my old school. I tend not to go to the public one because it’s mostly memes and other people talking about their campaigns, but I check on it occasionally. But on that day, I logged in, and found out what Cole, Eric, Vincent, and Morgan were doing online. They had joined another dungeon master’s campaign, and the chat relay showed them discussing the appropriate times to host a five hour long session. I don’t want to sound like a crybaby when I write this, but when I saw the chat history, something in me cracked, then dropped, before finally snapping with realization. Allow me to elaborate on why I considered my friends going off to another dungeon master a betrayal, even though when they asked me if they could before I moved schools, I said yes.
All of my pals, and this new dungeon master, were all engaged. They were planning, coordinating out times for what would happen where, and rescheduling when there was a conflict of interest. Everybody gave prompt responses about what time would work and what wouldn’t. Additionally, they were talking about other things besides D&D, and the new dungeon master wasn’t the only one initiating the conversation. They were actively seeking each other out to talk and to play D&D. That was what bothered me. When I try to arrange a session for my group, Eric is the only one who responds immediately. Vincent, John and the rest do one of three things: they leave my texts on read and don’t reply at all, say that they can’t come, or they do text back, but too late. Like I mentioned before, my friends also don’t talk to me unless I talk to them back. They have nothing to say to me.
How come my friends have time for five hour long sessions on a school night with this dungeon master, but can’t spend two hours with me on a weekend? How come they have all the time and all the things to say in the world to this new person, but won’t even acknowledge me when I ask how life’s been going for them? Besides being upset, I was confused. Why are Cole, Vincent, and the rest of the gang so distant to me online? They seemed so genial in person, why the change? When I asked my mom about this, about why my friends are so aloof now, when they used to be so bubbly and talkative, she taught me about the type of people in life, and the new type I just discovered with my friends.
In life, there are many kinds of people, and thus, many kinds of relationships. Some are ideal, people who will stay by your side no matter what. Others are only “pals” or “BFFs” when you have money. Then, there are some who my mom calls “friends of convenience” Essentially, people who talk, laugh, and bond with you, but only when it’s easy. The moment conversing becomes more challenging (like moving schools for example), these convenience friends instantly dissolve all ties you had with them, because it’s too troublesome to maintain the relationship.
Now that I look back, and finally have a name for these types of people, I realize that a lot of my comrades back then were friends of convenience. This understanding pulls my emotions in two confusing directions. On one hand, I’m relieved that for the most part, I wasn’t the reason why my friends decided to break ties with me. It would have happened eventually, what with me moving schools and making it harder to socialize. On the other hand, I am extremely frustrated. Why do all of my friends suck? Why do I have such bad taste in friends? Why do I keep on putting time and affection into people who won’t reciprocate the effort as much, or at all? It makes me scared to reach out and try to make new connections. Everybody in highschool (with the exception of the freshmen, or 9th graders) already have their own groups, like individual solar systems or ecosystems. Me? I’m just a rogue space rock bouncing up and down the galaxy like a windows screensaver, or a confused organism with an inconclusive ecological niche. Add on top of that the past experience of the friends I make all leaving me eventually, and I feel as though all of my friendships have an expiration date of two years (two years is the longest I’ve kept a friendship. Yes, I’m aware that’s a short time, I know how bad I am at making and keeping friends).
But I have to keep moving on. It’s just like what my mom said: I will come across many, many people. Some will be jerks at first sight, others will seem like friends but will inevitably back out when their “companionship” is put to the test. But there will be a few who will stay, and who are true friends. It’s like gold panning: You have to carefully sift through the river water and silt in order to find the gold. The mud will automatically be brushed away, the shiny specks of minerals and pyrite will be examined, and sometimes thought to be valuable, but aren’t. The real gold is small in number, but precious.
This blog entry does have a happy ending. At my new school, I started another D&D club. There, I recruited players for a novel campaign I had created involving ancient elemental robots and their mysterious extinction. The people participating in my campaign have different levels of experience in D&D, and sometimes can be annoying, but I like having friends again and spending time with them. I haven’t made any more connections besides D&D with them, but their willingness to help me on a school project shows promising signs. I’m not sure if my new friends are true friends, but I’m hopeful that they will be.
The Hidden Crisis of Ghost Networks in Mental Health Care
Sarah’s hands trembled as she dialed yet another number from her insurance provider’s list of in-network psychiatrists. Her anxiety, a constant companion for years, had recently spiraled into debilitating panic attacks that left her struggling to perform even basic tasks at work. After weeks of internal debate, she finally decided to seek professional help. As the phone rang, Sarah silently prayed this call would be different from the dozen she’d already made that day.
“Thank you for calling McDonald’s. How may I help you?” a cheerful voice answered.
Sarah’s heart sank. This wasn’t a psychiatrist’s office – it was a fast-food restaurant. Frustrated and increasingly worried, she hung up and moved on to the next number on the list. Little did Sarah know, she had stumbled into the troubling world of “ghost networks” in mental health care.
The Illusion of Accessible Care
Ghost networks are a pervasive issue in the U.S. healthcare system, particularly in mental health services. These networks create a misleading illusion of accessible care by listing providers who are not actually available for appointments. The reasons vary – some providers have retired, moved away, or no longer accept certain insurance plans. Others may not be taking new patients, have incorrect contact information listed, or in extreme cases like Sarah’s, the listed number might connect to unrelated businesses such as fast-food restaurants.
The consequences of these inaccurate directories are far-reaching and often devastating. Patients like Sarah, who are already grappling with the challenges of mental illness, face an additional hurdle in accessing the care they desperately need. The frustration of calling number after number, only to be met with dead ends, can be enough to make someone give up on seeking help altogether.
Some Shocking Statistics
Recent studies have shed light on the alarming prevalence of ghost networks:
- A Senate Finance Committee study found that only 18% of listed mental health providers in Medicare Advantage plans were actually available for appointments.
- The Seattle Times discovered that a mere 8% of listed providers across four major insurers in Washington state offered appointments.
- In a study of Blue Cross Blue Shield’s in-network psychiatrists across three major cities, researchers were unable to make appointments with 74% of the listed providers in 2015. We believe the situation has only deteriorated further in the years since, exacerbating the challenges of accessing mental health care.
These numbers paint a grim picture of the state of mental health care access in America. With more than half of adults experiencing mental illness going without treatment, the existence of ghost networks only worsens an already critical situation.
What’s Behind Ghost Networks?
The persistent nature of these inaccuracies has raised eyebrows among healthcare advocates and policymakers. Given that insurance companies have long been aware of these issues, their apparent inaction has fueled speculation about whether such barriers might serve a purpose beyond mere oversight. This lingering problem prompts a critical question: are these obstacles to care unintentional oversights, or do they potentially align with insurers’ financial interests?
Regardless of intent, several factors contribute to the persistence of ghost networks:
- Inadequate updating processes
- Lack of communication between insurers and providers
- Low reimbursement rates for mental health services
- Insufficient regulatory enforcement
Turning Frustration into Action: A Call for Compassion
Sarah’s story isn’t just a cautionary tale—it’s a heartbreaking reality faced by countless individuals across our nation. Behind every unanswered call, every outdated listing, there’s a person like Sarah: someone’s daughter, someone’s friend, someone’s colleague. Someone who, in their moment of greatest vulnerability, reached out for help only to grasp at shadows.
As I write this, I can’t help but think of the Sarahs in my own life—the friend who confided in me about their depression, the family member who struggles with anxiety. I think of the courage it takes to seek help, and how crushing it must feel to have that courage met with endless dead ends.
We must do better. Not just for Sarah, but for all the silent sufferers who haven’t yet found the strength to pick up the phone. For the parents lying awake at night, worried about their children. For the veterans battling unseen wounds. For every person who has ever felt the isolating grip of mental illness.
This isn’t just about fixing a broken system—it’s about weaving a safety net of compassion and support for our communities. It’s about transforming ghost networks into lifelines of hope. Here’s how we can start:
- Demand Accountability: Report inaccuracies to insurers and support legislation for accurate directories.
- Advocate for Better Coverage: Push for mental health parity and comprehensive insurance plans.
- Embrace Technology: Support real-time availability databases and telehealth integration.
- Raise Awareness: Share experiences and organize community discussions on mental health access.
- Support Organizations: Volunteer, donate, or get trained in mental health first aid.
To those currently navigating the maze of ghost networks: please, don’t give up. Your life, your well-being, matters immensely. Keep reaching out. There are caring professionals eager to help, even if the path to finding them is frustratingly obscured. Consider these additional steps:
- Utilize mental health hotlines for immediate support and guidance.
- Explore community health centers and local non-profit organizations that may offer mental health services.
3. Look into online therapy platforms that can connect you with licensed professionals quickly.
And to those who’ve successfully found help despite these barriers: consider sharing your journey. Your story could be the beacon that guides someone else through the darkness.
Together, we can dismantle these ghost networks. We can build a world where seeking mental health support is met not with frustration, but with open arms and real, accessible help. A world where no one has to face their inner struggles alone.
Remember Sarah. Remember all the Sarahs out there. And let’s commit, here and now, to turning these ghost networks into networks of genuine care, compassion, and healing. Because in the end, we’re all in this together—and together, we can light the way to better mental health for all.
The Circle of Control
In our Youth Ambassador orientation, fellow youth ambassadors and I created a venn diagram of what kids could and couldn’t control. As you can see, the things youth actually can control in their lives is very little. Based on what was written in the “I cannot control” circle, what do you think that says about today’s parenting? Is there anything you would add to either circle?
Cipher in the Snow
I grew up in a little farmhouse, outside a small midwestern town. Being the seventh of eight children, one would think that, in spite of being 10 miles/16km from town, perhaps my socialization did not suffer so much. After all, I was surrounded by seven siblings. Right? … Wrong!
The eldest five were born one after another, and then there was a four year pause until the sixth was born, followed by a five year pause before I was born, and then finally another four year pause before the youngest. This meant that by the time I was old enough to remember anything, the five eldest had either left home or would soon do so. This left the last three of us, each 4-5 years apart, to grow up together. With such an age difference, we didn’t have much in common, and so it was like growing up as an only child.
It was much later in life that I understood the effects of those early childhood experiences. They had a profound impact on the way I perceived my own worth to others and how I interacted with the world at large. You see, the five older siblings just left home to either join the military or get married. They just left and I don’t remember anyone ever saying goodbye to me. They just disappeared and began living their lives. They had children and, even when my siblings did visit, they ignored me and felt more like uncles than brothers. My nephews and nieces were closer to my age, and so I was left to play with them instead.
In essence, I felt invisible to my family. My parents were abusive and I don’t every remember a touch from them that was not intermediated by a stick or a belt. So, even though I was not invisible to my parents, I kind of wish I had been. At least that would have spared me the beatings.
When I finally entered school, I was a loner. Being a cross-eyed little kid made me the object of ridicule rather than friendship.
After I grew up and got married, I too disappeared from the closest thing I had to friends, as I moved from place to place. I moved around a lot (8 different states and 1 other country). Each time I moved, I never bothered telling anyone I was moving. We just packed up and moved. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about my friends, but I was conditioned to think no one really cared if I was there or not. I felt their smiles and politeness was more just obligatory gestures with no real caring behind them.
I assumed, although this was not a deliberate thought process at the time, that just like my elder siblings, I would also just disappear without saying goodbye. It seemed like an unncessary formality. After all, my siblings eventually returned, and I would also maybe return to them … someday, and assume I could just pick up where we left off. I could just show up, say “hi”, and carry on as if I had only been gone a day. It never occurred to me that they would be mad at me for just leaving without notice, and no longer consider me a friend. After all, I didn’t get mad at my siblings for leaving without a word; I just assumed this was how life was and how people behaved. I knew nothing else.
Sometimes, what we are conditioned to believe is normal really isn’t, and it impacts relationships and your perception of your own self-worth and importance to others. I went through life feeling relationships were really all superficial and no one really cared if I was there or not.
I remember during my time spent in Zen, they talked about leaving no trace, or the man that casts no shadow or leaves no footprints in the snow. I remember aspiring to that, thinking, “What an enlightened way to live!” I didn’t realize until recently that I had already been living my entire life this way, leaving no footprints so anyone could find or remember me. I had always been a cipher in the snow. I never really had any meaningful ties to others. I knew we would all just walk away from each other, eventually, and be forgotten to one another.
Over Twenty Years of Struggling with Unnecessary Guilt
In July, the midnight sun of Northern Europe stretches the beauty of the city into 20 hours everyday. Enamored with such a summer, I often wander aimlessly around the city even at 11 p.m.
One day during one of these leisurely walks, I received a rejection letter for a job I had previously applied for. The reason for the rejection was that my background was not sufficiently relevant, and considering the high number of applicants, those with more relevant backgrounds were given priority.
A completely reasonable explanation.
I wasn’t surprised or disappointed. Adhering to the principle of maximizing opportunities, I sent a message to the HR, briefly introducing myself. And expressed my regret about not having the relevant professional background and mentioned that I would continue to follow the company and any positions related to my field.
I sent this message to my friend, asking if it was appropriate to send it to HR, as I don’t have much experience in the Western work culture. He was surprised and asked me, “Why do you feel sorry? You don’t need to apologize for not having the relevant professional background!”
At that moment, it felt like a sudden ray of sunshine piercing through all the buildings after a sudden rain, blinding me. I suddenly realized that I was feeling guilty—constantly feeling guilty.
When my circumstances don’t meet external standards, I feel guilty. The logic seems simple: we can’t meet every standard, and we don’t need to feel unnecessary guilt, right?
After that, whenever I wandered around the city, I started thinking about this question on and off.
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I think my upbringing had a huge impact on me.
When I was 8, we moved to a new town. My family left the small place where I was born for a bigger town because my parents wanted me to get better educational resources.
At that time, they had good connections and business in our old place. After moving to a completely new place, they had to rebuild their network from scratch, and the business struggled. As a result, our family fell into a state of poverty and struggle.
It seems like when people are struggling to make a living, they don’t have much energy left to manage their emotions. I now understand that many parents blame their personal disappointments on their children and often take out their negative emotions on children because of those setbacks.
I still remember many times when my father, drunk and angry, would say to me, “Our life used to be so good, all of this is for your education.” When he was extremely busy but still had to cook for me, he’d complain, “Hurry up and eat! I made this only for YOU!” When there was only one ice cream left in the fridge, he’d say, “Your mom and I won’t eat it, it’s for you. Don’t let our efforts go to waste!”
He slips these comments into every moment of my life.
I never thought whether that ice cream was something I deserved, whether every child has the right to an ice cream without any strings attached. In that life, it seemed like nothing was something I deserved. Whenever I got something, I felt I should be full of guilt. What I was eating wasn’t a sweet ice cream; it was guilt and apology, all melting together and swallowed down into my stomach.
As a ten-year-old, that’s how I processed those words. I didn’t have critical thinking skills, and my school only taught me to obey my teachers and listen to my parents.
So, I accepted it, and stopped eating any ice cream.
I accepted that everything was because of me.
My family became poor because I needed to go to school. My family faced many difficult situations because they moved to this new place for my education. My parents’ struggles at work were because they changed jobs for me and encountered these difficulties. They argued because of the pressures of life, which I believed was my fault. If it weren’t for the goal of providing me with a better education, none of this would have happened.
Even though I now understand my father much better, back then he was in his thirties, just an adult who couldn’t manage his emotions well. Maybe he never knew what kind of impact transferring those emotions to a child could have. After all, now that I’m in my thirties, I sometimes cry because of the pressures I’m facing.
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So, what was the impact?
As I started reflecting on my experiences, I realized that the impact was immense. That sense of guilt morphed and spread, crazily extending into every corner of my life and consciousness.
For example, in later relationships, I’d feel guilty for being taller than my partner’s ideal. I’d feel guilty if I couldn’t help them with their work or study problems. If they gave up other plans to spend time with me, my first reaction wasn’t gratitude or happiness, but guilt.
I couldn’t fully accept love, whether it was from friends, partners, or even kindness at work. I never believed I deserved it. I often felt doubtful and even apologetic because I couldn’t reciprocate with equal love and kindness.
A deeper impact of this guilt is that even when I excel, I don’t feel I deserve praise, recognition, or love. Because of the guilt, I think it’s just what I’m supposed to do. In moments of self-desperation, this guilt makes me feel like I owe the whole world.
It’s like there’s a hole in my heart, and all my efforts are just to fill this hole. It feels like I’ve never had a solid, even ground inside me, where flowers of my life could bloom as they would on healthy soil.
Now, I’ve started to carefully try filling that hole of guilt in my heart with some “soil.” This soil consists of continuous self-reflection and the love of many friends. It’s like when someone told me, “You don’t need to feel sorry!” He also reminded me that I have my own strengths and advantages, and that’s how I can help others and contribute to the company.
I’ve come to understand that it’s actually a simple thing. It was never supposed to be so burdensome.
After struggling with guilt and the burden of misplaced emotions for over twenty years, I finally realized that the decision to move wasn’t mine and was beyond my control. I don’t need to take all the responsibility upon myself and feel an overwhelming sense of guilt.
Now, during my aimless walks around the city, I can happily run into an ice cream shop and enjoy an ice cream that is simply sweet.