All In or Half Out? The Mindset That Shapes Your Life

What’s going right in your life, right now?

It’s a question we asked at curaJOY’s full team meeting this week. The answers came with some hesitations.  It was just an icebreaker, but I suspect that my audience was unsure whether the answer needed to be a indirect boast/pitch–as if scanning for something good enough they could name.  

I’ve noticed things always seem to work out for some people. Others, no matter their circumstances, focus on what’s missing. It’s not luck. It’s mindset.

Most of us have enough to work with. The question is whether we make the most of it—or keep ourselves half in, half out, always scanning for better, quicker (insert the more adjective of your choice) conditions.

An Almost 50-yo Woman Playing Dress Up

Two weeks ago, my dad, at my request, took me to a themed restaurant in Taipei, Taiwan, inspired by ancient China’s imperial courts—the plates and teacups, even a small corner where guests could dress in palace gowns.  I say at my request because my teenagers couldn’t fathom making such a “silly or childish” request.  Even though I told my daughters that we were going to get to the restaurant early to play dress up, they stared at the costumes and props with hesitation when we arrived.  I knew at least one of them was thinking, ”Would we look ridiculous? Would people stare?”

So I led the way and really lived in the moment, and pretty soon, the two of them were having fun and making memories together.

Yes, people noticed. Some glanced curiously, others with something closer to envy. FOMO.  And here’s the funny thing: after we finished, other groups wandered over to the costume rack, emboldened to try it themselves, finally allowing themselves to live and play. 

Get Out of Your Own Way!

That night made me think about all the ways we stop ourselves before we’ve even begun:

• Too cool to risk our “image” and just have fun.
• Too smart to admit we don’t know something.
• Too good to give our all if there’s a chance we might fail.
  

We tell ourselves we’re being self-protecting. We’re standing one foot in and one foot out—half-participating, half-distracted, always scanning for the next best thing. And in doing so, we cut ourselves off from experiences that could change us–we doom ourselves to waiting 

Wholehearted Effort Changes Everything

A lot of people see my photos or hear about my experiences—the places I’ve been, the things I’ve done—and they want to try it too. They book the same trip, go to the same restaurant, same playbook.

But very often, they come back disappointed–it didn’t feel the same.  Something was always missing. Why?

It’s not the location or the menu that makes the memory—it’s the mindset you bring into it. Are you too concerned about how you look, too posh to let go, or too worried about what others might think? You can be standing where I did and still miss the moment entirely.

Joy doesn’t happen because you copied someone else’s itinerary or wardrobe. It happens because you gave yourself permission to be fully present.

At curaJOY, I’ve seen this dynamic play out in ways that matter far more than a restaurant dress-up game. Behavioral health, whether for a child or an adult, depends on showing up fully. Change doesn’t come from dipping a toe in. It comes from consistent, wholehearted practice—especially when it feels awkward or uncomfortable at first.

Kids who hold back in class for fear of looking “stupid” miss out on learning.  And people who don’t fully engage with the help available to them—whether that’s therapy, training, or even a simple skill-building program—rarely get the results they hope for.

I’m not saying you can control everything. Far from it. You are where you are. You feel what you feel. What you do next, however, is completely your choice! It is the most powerful thing you’ve got.

Choose to Go All In

If you’ve been scanning for the perfect opportunity before you commit—stop. Look at what’s in front of you. Have you already made the most out of what you have?  If not, do that first!!!  The moment you choose to go all in, whether it’s in your work, your relationships, or your own growth, you start building the life you want.

You can’t laugh in palace gowns without first putting them on. You can’t reap the rewards of deeper connection, resilience, or confidence without first taking the risk of showing up, day after day.

So here’s my challenge:
This week, notice where you’ve been one foot in and one foot out. Then take a deep breath, step forward, and give it everything you’ve got. Because the difference between a life you watch from the sidelines and a life you truly live is your choice to be all in.  Will you give yourself a fighting chance?  Go all in–because any other way, you’re half out already.