growing up with asian parents

I love you. How Asian Parents Express Love.

One of our volunteers thanked me for believing in her and “I love you.”  I was taken aback for a moment because she’s Asian, and we Asians don’t tell each other, “I love you!”  😭   Only Westerners and movies do that mushy emotional stuff.  We only dream about it. Asian parents give kids food or buy kids stuff.

What Asian Parents Hear VS. what you say

Growing up, my parents never said “I love you”—not to me and not to each other. Just the same way their parents never said it to them. They will say “good job,” and sometimes even “I’m proud of you” when I perform well or win an award. And that kind of felt like love to the kid me, so I spent decades chasing achievements, trying to outdo myself each time, trying to impress them, trying to get as close to “I love you” as I could. 

I’m glad this volunteer surprised me with the “I love you.” “I love you too,” I told her. Sometimes, when I’m pulling in my 13th hour at work and wonder whether I should have just stayed in retirement comfort, going to my yoga classes and massages—I see my teammates striving right alongside me, and my heart is filled with love and gratitude.  Immediately, I remember what we are fighting for—the support we wished we had, the unconditional love that we all need, and how our children are raised and nurtured in the future. For social-emotional wellness and behavioral health. We are brothers and sisters in arms, fighting a world that’s trying to tear us down. 

We are a family.

I’m not great at verbalizing emotions, especially face to face. Maybe it’s a little scary, or maybe I’m afraid I would embarrass myself.  But I told her, “I love you,” just like I did many kids who came for play dates when my daughters were younger. They would often spend more time talking to me than playing. They wanted someone to share their lives with, someone to talk to, and someone who wasn’t too busy. Ten years ago, I realized that a lot of kids are lonely. Everyone in their family is busy—too busy for each other. Our society seems to have gotten caught up in having more–being able to afford a bigger house, an even better car, and more and more trophies that we lost our ability to enjoy and treasure one another.

Let’s wake up, and do things differently.

I’m so fortunate to have found people to wake up with me. I love you, Joymakers!  Our wonderful growing family.  You guys give me hope.

Caitlyn Wang Avatar

Response to “I love you. How Asian Parents Express Love.”

  1. Bianca Shen Avatar
    Bianca Shen

    I found this video that I think really describes the situation of not saying “I love you”. [youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIPotcsd3Po [/youtube]

    Skip to 1:45

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Touched by what you read? Join the conversation!

  • Talking  Back
    Talking Back

    If you can’t regulate your emotions, your kid will struggle to regulate their own.  You ask your kid to do something. They say something rude or snippy in return. You feel the need to correct this behavior, so you shout back at them for being rude, they shout back at you, and you’re back in…

    Read more >> about Talking Back

  • If Yes or No Questions Backfire, Give Choices Instead
    If Yes or No Questions Backfire, Give Choices Instead

    “Can you start your homework?” (alternatively, “Have you finished your homework/ Homework.”) “No.” “Do you want to clean your room now?” “Nah.” “Wanna go to work and attend to all of your responsibilities today?” “Uh… no.”  Offering choices to our children instead of asking yes/no questions can transform how they respond to you. Choices foster…

    Read more >> about If Yes or No Questions Backfire, Give Choices Instead

  • State of ABA Industry
    State of ABA Industry

    The behavioral healthcare industry is in trouble. For kids and families, the dire shortage of providers and difficulty obtaining services means long wait times for necessary evaluations for speech, behavior, occupational, and other therapies, prescriptions for services, and their services to begin. They may get through the entire process and not qualify for treatment. Many…

    Read more >> about State of ABA Industry