A hand is pointing to a pink board with stars on it.

Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Rewards

“If I use rewards to motivate my child, how will they develop their own drive?”

This is a great question from one of our software developers in Canada. Around the world, there are so many different beliefs and attitudes about motivation, where it should come from, and what it should look like.

Some psychologists claim that rewards are damaging and result in children who only perform to gain a reward. However, this outcome is a result of poor planning by adults. Rewards should be established when a new or difficult behavior is to be performed, then gradually phased out. A reward can be considered an encouragement or “bonus” for going the extra mile, doing the extra step, or taking on a challenging task.

Rewards (called “reinforcers” when they positively affect progress) take many different forms and aren’t designed to be sustainable. They vary based on the individual and can change day by day. There is no single reward that will work for everyone all the time.

Rewards do not have to be money, stickers, or gift cards – in fact, here are some examples of the many FREE things that can motivate us:

  • Choice: which game to play on game night, which variety of chips on that week’s grocery shop, which movie to watch with family or music to listen to in the car
  • Privileges: sitting in the front passenger seat, getting to go first, getting to be a special helper, special 1:1 time with a parent, going to the dollar store, extra bedtime story, 5-minute dance party, inviting a friend over, picking from a treasure chest
  • Acknowledgment: laughter or smiles from others, praise (can be physical/nonverbal (hugs, high fives, thumbs up, fist pump) or verbal, like “Thank you for ___”, “I like the way you ____”, “wow!”, “great job!”, “That was a big help for me”, “I’m very proud of you”), having their picture or name featured for a job well done, certificates, points

Extrinsic motivation gives way to intrinsic, self-driven motivation. Nobody is born with their own motivation to sit still, speak politely, or follow inconvenient rules. As we move away from using punishment to control behavior, we need to act to make doing the right thing more attractive and desirable.

Think of it this way: if your employer stopped paying you, would you keep that job? Intrinsic motivation alone is often not enough to keep us going.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Touched by what you read? Join the conversation!

  • Who doesn’t procrastinate?
    Who doesn’t procrastinate?

    These are the most common excuses people use when they procrastinate—delay doing what they need to do. How many of these have you personally used? According to the American Psychological Association, almost 80% of the people surveyed admit to lying to themselves about the reasons they put off doing things. So, who doesn’t procrastinate?    The…

    Read more >> about Who doesn’t procrastinate?

  • The Extraordinary You
    The Extraordinary You

    My autistic daughter has mentioned a Netflix show called “The Extraordinary Attorney Woo” a few times this year, and we finally got to watching the show today.  I didn’t want to like it at first because it seemed to fall into the stereotypical savant portrayal of autistic individuals in the media.    Hollywood’s infatuation with the…

    Read more >> about The Extraordinary You

  • Untitled post 43429

    My parents only cared about my grades. I think they may have been depressed while I was growing up. Definitely, no one practiced self-help techniques or knew about them in my family.

    Read more >> about this post