Under the Weight of Expectations

Everyone needs help from time to time—even the people who seem to have everything going for them. Sometimes, it is especially the ones who do well at school/work, the ones who don’t make a fuss, the ones who mask their symptoms well who need your time and care.

I work with a wonderful and growing group of volunteers at curaJOY. Since 2021, we aim to increase equity, accessibility, and effectiveness of behavioral health support for everyone. We focus especially on multicultural families, caregivers, people with disabilities and low-income populations, but then another surprising population came—the people who you might believe have it all—advanced degrees, prestigious schools, families intact, and high achieving.

Here are some of what our clients shared.

“When I broke down and told my mom I wanted to kill myself she told me lots of people would kill to be where I’m at and that I hadn’t suffered enough to even deserve to die.”  

“When I learned that my mom was traveling on a business trip close to my boarding school, I was very excited about the visit, and stayed in the dorms waiting for her call. But she called to tell me that she just drove PAST my school, and hoped I was doing well.”

“My parents only cared about my grades. I wished my parents know more about me, my characteristic, my interest. And wished we interacted with each other like we are friends, and explored the world together.”

Yet to everyone else, all these people seem all right. Yes, they probably spend every effort trying to appear fine until they break down, turn to alcohol, escape into drugs, or die. But stress, loneliness, and mental suffering have a heavy cost. Nobody is too privileged for the essential healthcare which includes behavioral healthcare. 

For instance, Asian Americans are frequently portrayed as the silent success narrative compared to other racial minority groups. This stereotype can create resentment among non-Asian American and Pacific Islander peers, and place an unfair burden on Asians to meet the expectations of the model minority myth, which can result in loneliness and bullying of AAPI individuals.  In fact, the pressure to succeed and live up to expectations is one of the main sources of distress for Asian American youth.

It is good to accept help. Not only are you being kind and loving to yourself when you accept help, you also show those around you that needing help doesn’t make you defective, lose face, or shame your family—it simply makes you human. 

In 2021, only 25% of Asian adults who had experienced any mental illness in the previous year reported receiving mental health services, compared to 52% of White adults.  However social-emotional support is an urgent need for this population.  Suicide is the primary cause of death for Asian and Pacific Island teenagers in 2020, and suicide death rates in this group more than doubled from 2010 to 2020!  

Here are just a few instances of underserved communities with specific needs—each of which could be effectively supported through proactive, preventative, and growth-focused social and mental healthcare support. 

Addressing these issues early on is both cost-effective and crucial before children develop harmful coping strategies, parents transmit generational trauma, and individuals begin to harm themselves or others. People’s social and emotional wellness equips them to make informed decisions regarding education, nutrition, climate change, and social matters, impacting all aspects of their lives. In the upcoming weeks, I will emphasize the distinct needs of varied communities. Comment and follow curaJOY to raise awareness about the need and importance of social and mental health!